Innocence Lost

         Last Night I had a dream. It was actually a memory from my childhood. I was in my bedroom with my two best-friends. We had eaten an entire package each of the most amazing jerky I had ever tasted in my life. Hyper was a very mild way of putting what we were. After what seemed like hours of laughter, I pretended to fall asleep. When I was convinced that they were sure I was asleep I sat up, eyes closed and began talking in a fake accent. I was pretending to talk in my sleep. They immediately began to laugh. I grabbed up my best friend who had been sitting next to me and began to “make sushi”. I was smoothing the rice, stuffing the insides and then rolling her up. All the while they laughed hysterically and debated on wether to wake me up. They decided against it. I continued on in my accent cutting the sushi rolls and giving them to the studio audience. When I had no more fresh material, I laid down and they shook me “awake”. My story was sleep talking and I stuck to it. “you guys are making it up!” I said and they rolled in laughter and my "not knowing".

        Waking up from that dream filled my mind with thoughts of us. One of those best friends suffered a terrible loss a few weeks later and as quickly as she joined our circle was gone. She found new friends quickly and couldn’t handle looking back at us and being reminded of her past. The other I had known since I was in diapers, she began my enemy then turned best friend. She was always there, she always would be...or so I thought. She was a great best friend, kind, giving and smart. We had similar goals: college, career, success and happiness. 

        We were innocent, young and happy, free of societal pressures. It didn’t matter what we did for a living, what out major was or how much we made a year. That was all N/A to us. Perhaps that is when a person loses their innocence when they enter the adult world, when those pressures are applicable. The trouble for us came when I moved out of state. When we were no longer neighbors. 

          I  had moved far away and she stayed behind. In the same small town that she was born. That her mother was born. It was always her dream to move. “I will get out of this town. As soon as I am 18 we are going on a road trip across the country! I will pick the best spot and I’ll stay there.” she would say. She never took that road trip. She never left that town. 

          Once I was gone she turned a leaf. She started smoking and drinking. Craving male attention and even trying drugs. She led herself into a life that was wild and unhealthy. STD’s and marijuana were words often used in her vocabulary. She became a mother young and as I hear her parents are raising him. Her ideas of right and wrong faded and new ways became clear to her. Wrong was her right now and she was too proud to see any different. Along the way we talked often, once she called me drunk and high to tell me, “This is all your fault! You are the one who just left me!”. 

          She had gone from selfless and kind to selfish and mean.  It is not right that two girls on the same path were both derailed. One by Levaquin and one by her own self destruction. Yes, my disabilities are sad and unfair, but her’s is the saddest of the two cases. Had she the want, she could bring herself out of this and be the person she wanted to be,

but she developed this attitude that she could kick the worlds ass and would.

          It used to take at minimum 6 months before we would have an argument that was over in less then an hour. Now after one joke that she didn’t like, she hasn't talked to me in almost a year. Except one phone call when she needed money. Her attitude on life both angers and saddens me. I could never throw away a best friend so easily as she. In the end she did me a favor she helped me to see...

          The truth is, I lost my best friend a long time ago. She has not been that person for seven years. No matter how much I told myself she was. I have excepted mine and the world’s loss. She was amazing and I thank her for being my best friend for so many years.

          I miss you B.